


Unravelled

by bettyparker



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), Supernatural
Genre: Angel Alec Lightwood, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Crossover, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Temporary Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-27
Updated: 2017-12-27
Packaged: 2019-02-22 09:05:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13163715
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bettyparker/pseuds/bettyparker
Summary: “My name is… I don’t…know, I don’t know. Who am I?”Magnus and Alec have a fight. It sets in motion a series of events that change everything.A Supernatural crossover





	Unravelled

**Author's Note:**

> The events in Supernatural don't follow cannon.

The fight was stupid. It started from some little thing, but they were both exhausted and worn after days of hard work and it escalated quickly.

“You never tell me you love me first!”

Alec’s shout rang through the apartment. Silence fell. Magnus was speechless, but beyond the bewilderment was anger. Not even at Alec, it was at all his previous relationships that went wrong for the same reason.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“Come on, Magnus, I always tell you that I love you, but you never say it first.”

Magnus huffs and Alec feels desperation clawing at him. A part of his mind tells him that maybe he should stop but the dam broke and now he can’t take it back.

“Alexander, you’re being ridiculous.”

Alec takes a step back as if Magnus just slapped him. He can feel the anxiety creeping on him, but he pushed through.

“Then tell me!”

“Tell you what?!”

“Tell me you love me!”

Silence settles over them. Alec is breathing hard, waiting, begging with everything he has for Magnus to say something. But Magnus doesn’t say a word. He looks at Alec with that deer caught in the headlights expression and suddenly Alec feels like he’s been doused in cold water. His shoulders slump in defeat and he bites his lip hard, trying not to cry. Magnus opens his mouth and closes it again, then looks away. Alec nods resigned and huffs. He doesn’t know what to feel.

_‘You should’ve known. Why would he love you?’_

Alec shakes his head and squares his shoulders, putting his defenses up.

“Alright, I see…”

Magnus looks at him and opens his mouth but Alec’s phone rings, interrupting whatever he had to say. Alec doesn’t know whether to be sorry or relieved. He doesn’t even ask why Jace is calling, he just asks for the address. Once he’s finished, he goes to grab his bow and arrows. Magnus is waiting by the door, his expression pleading, but Alec is tired. He can’t listen to whatever rejection speech he has prepared. 

“Alexander, we need to talk…”

Alec shakes his head and turns to grab his jacket, missing the desperation on Magnus’s face.

“Don’t. I have a mission to attend to.” Alec stops with his hand on the door handle. He doesn’t turn to face Magnus, he can’t. Instead he shuts his eyes tight and tries to ignore the ache in his heart. “I get it, you don’t… You don’t. You should’ve told me that the first time I said it.”

And with that Alec leaves the apartment. He doesn’t look back. He finds Jace surrounded by demons and immediately jumps in. Together they manage to destroy most of them but then Alec gets distracted and he doesn’t see the demon until it’s too late. The thing gets its claws all the way through Alec’s chest before he can strike it down. The pain doesn’t register but the world gets blurry. Alec thinks he can hear someone shout his name, but he can’t be sure. He falls to the ground without even noticing and thinks distantly that the numbness is a bad sign. The last thing his mind registers is Jace crying and holding Alec’s head in his lap. Then the world falls away and it’s quiet.

 

* * *

 

 

Back at the apartment Magnus paces the floor thinking of a way to fix things with Alexander. He needs to fix it, because he does love the Shadowhunter. But Camille always laughed at him when he told her those words and other partners called him clingy after he uttered them. So, he decided not to. Sure, consciously he knew that Alexander was different, but he was still afraid that if he said it, Alexander will realize that it’s all a mistake and Magnus will lose him. But as he left Magnus realized that he risked losing Alexander anyway if he didn’t try to explain things. He heard his phone ring, but he ignored it. It rang two more times before a text came. Magnus sighed and went to check and immediately started feeling dread.

Clary: You need to come to the institute.

Nothing else. Magnus didn’t hesitate to make a portal to the institute, feeling dread pooling in his stomach. He ran up the stairs and started to walk to the infirmary. He saw Clary first, leaning on the wall, looking at the ground. Her face was concealed by her hair. Magnus continued forward but he could feel the tension and the sense of doom in the air. And then he saw Jace and his heart stopped. He was sitting in a chair, his clothes were covered in blood, his hair was disheveled but what got to Magnus was his expression. It was empty, hollow. He was staring ahead, tear tracks on his face but his eyes were unseeing. He was clutching at himself, right where his parabatai rune was. His lips were moving, but no sound was coming out. He looked broken. Magnus started shaking his head but then Izzy was coming out of the infirmary with Maryse Lightwood and they were sobbing. Magnus caught a glimpse of the tears on Clary’s face and it was like a shock to his system. He pushed past them and opened the door to the infirmary, hoping that it was all a big joke. But as soon as the door opened, he could see Alexander lying on a bed, bloody, pale and unmoving. Magnus made his way over and summoned his magic frantically. He wasn’t dead, he couldn’t be. He started pushing his magic, trying to heal him when his hands were grabbed.

“Magnus, stop…It’s too late. He’s gone.”

Magnus turned and looked at Clary, trying to snatch his hands away, to get back, to try.

“No, no he’s not, he can’t be…”

And then Magnus collapsed and cried and cried and cried. The pain was excruciating. His heart felt like it was missing. It burned, and no matter how much he screamed, the pressure inside him wasn’t letting up. He felt like he was a young kid again, finding his dead mother. Except somehow, this was way worse.

 

* * *

 

 

Alec wakes up with a gasp. He looks around and doesn’t recognize his surroundings. He’s in a white room, with only a chair and a mirror on the ceiling. Then he remembers the fight with the demons and looks at his chest in wonder. There’s no wound, nothing. And that’d when he notices. His runes are gone.

“Nononono.”

He looks frantically at his arms and chest and finds no sign of runes, only unmarked skin. Then he lifts his shirt and is relieved when he sees his parabatai rune. It looks different, a little faded but it’s still there. Except he can’t feel Jace. The bond feels inexistent. He tries and tries and thinks he can pick up on something but it’s like reaching through an impenetrable wall. He starts to panic but the door bangs open. A woman walks in and Alec’s first instinct is to get in a defensive position. She’s tall, dressed in an impeccable suit, her brown hair is tied in a tight bun, except for her bangs. Her blue eyes scan Alec for a moment then smiles a bit forced.

“Hello. My name is Naomi.”

Alec watches her wearily and takes a step away.

“Where the hell am I?”

She titles her head and gives him an amused look.

“Quite the contrary actually. You’re in Heaven. You died.”

Then huge wings unfold from her back and Alec stumbles away scared.

“Don’t worry, child. I don’t wanna hurt you. I chose you. You have the potential to be the perfect soldier. Heaven needs angels like you. So, I made you one.”

Then she snaps her fingers and Alec screams as pain erupts in his back. Then just as it came it’s gone and he freezes as he feels feathers touch his hands. Wings.

“What did you do to me?”

“You’re an angel now, Alexander. Hopefully, you will serve Heaven well. But for that to happen you need to learn the ways. And we must start by getting rid of any connection to your old life. Feelings are weakness.”

She suddenly appears in front of him. Alec tries to get away, but she is faster. She puts her hand on his head and Alec feels like his head is going to explode. The pain lasts for a good while. Alec’s not sure how long it is until it finally ends, leaving him panting on the floor. Naomi watches him conflicted and then blinks.

“Huh, you’re a stubborn one. Don’t worry, we have all the time in the world.”

Then she turns and walks out.

 

Alec starts to forget things. He forgets his birthday, forgets little things about people. By the end of the week he struggles to keep himself together. He looks at himself in the mirror after Naomi finishes another one of her ‘sessions’.

“My name is Alexander Lightwood. I have a sister named Isabelle and a parabatai called Jace. I love Magnus Bane.”

He repeats it over and over again, to make sure he doesn’t forget. Because he feels himself slipping. And he can’t let that happen. He doesn’t remember when Magnus asked him out the first time. He can’t remember the first mission with Jace. Can’t remember Izzy’s laugh. But as the days go by it gets harder and harder to remember. Alec grows desperate. He trashes around, his black wings flap around wildly and in a moment his wing hits the mirror and shatters it. The pieces rain down but the cuts they make heal. Alec screams until he’s hoarse. Then he repeats the mantra. He takes a piece from the floor and looks at his reflection. He doesn’t remember his mother. Did he have one? Did he have a father? He doesn’t know. An idea pops in his head and he cuts his hand. It heals but he has a bit of a window until it does. He writes the mantra on the floor. He carves it on the wall again and again. He can’t lose this.

After another week Alec watches the writing on the wall and doesn’t remember doing it. Naomi tells him it will get better. She asks about the people on the wall. He tells her he doesn’t know who they are. She seems pleased. She tells him that the next stage of training will begin soon. When she leaves Alec watches the words and tries to make sense of them. Magnus Bane, who is he, why does he love him? A sudden desperation washes over him and he shuts his eyes, clutching at his head.

“My name is… I don’t…know, I don’t know. Who am I?”

Who is Magnus Bane? Who is Isabelle? Is she another angel? Naomi said the angels are all his brothers and sisters, are these people angels? He doesn’t know, he doesn’t know.

The next stage of training is easier somehow. Although he doesn’t recall much of the first stage. Naomi tells him that it’s not important.

“The only think you need to know is that your name is Alexander and your duty is to serve Heaven. You’re just a soldier.”

Something feels wrong about it, but he ignores it. The next stage is apparently training, both for combat and to learn the rules. Learn his place. When he gets back to his room after a full day, the writing he had on the wall for so long is gone and there’s a mirror on the ceiling. He doesn’t ask, and Naomi doesn’t tell him. She praises him for his combat skills. He’s a fast learner she says. Alexander feels like he’s done this before, but he doesn’t dwell on it. He’s not supposed to ask questions. Sometimes after training he looks at the mark on his waist, a faded symbol. He doesn’t know why but he never told Naomi about it. It makes him feel better for some reason. He just wishes he knew what it was and what it meant to him.

After about a month Naomi calls Alexander to her office. She looks serious but as soon as Alexander closes the door she smiles.

“You made me very proud, Alexander. Your training took less than I expected. Congratulations.”

Alexander nods and wait patiently for her to continue.

“Now, as it recently came to my attention, there are a few things that need handling on Earth. Raziel’s soldiers are not as effective as I’d like. So, I’m sending you to fix their mistakes.”

She gets up from the desk and hands him a strange three-edged blade. He takes it and quirks an eyebrow at her.

“This is your angel blade. It can kill anything, angels, demons, you name it. Every angel is entrusted with one. Since you completed your training, this one belongs to you. Use it wisely.”

Alexander tucks the blade away to safety and waits for his mission. Naomi watches him for a second as if she was contemplating something before she squares her back, decision made.

“You have to help Raziel’s soldiers fight demons. They have become too many and they need to be rid of. That’s it for now, if the mission changes, I will let you know.”

Alexander nods and Naomi approaches him. She pins him with a cold glare.

“Do not disappoint me, Alexander.”

“I will do my best.”

Apparently pleased by his answer, Naomi smiles for a second before it’s wiped from her face.

“Oh, looks like you will be needed sooner than I expected. I will send you down now. Be careful, Alexander.”

Then she puts her hand on his shoulder and he’s in a warehouse. Alexander gets his blade out and feels himself surrounded by demons. He makes sure to hide his wings before advancing carefully. After a minute he hears someone running towards him, and sees a vampire being chased by demons. The scent makes Alexander scrunch up his nose, but he advances quickly and in less than a few seconds the demons are gone. A few demons start making their way to them again, but they stop suddenly, probably sensing Alexander. They screech and in a second, all the demons are gone. Alexander makes sure there’s none left before relaxing his pose and sighing. Low level demons if they ran away from an angel. He turns to the vampire that’s sprawled on the floor, breathing heavily. Alexander approaches the vampire slowly but as soon as he’s in close range, he opens his eyes and starts scrambling away scared. Alexander steps into the light, trying to assure the man that he’s not going to hurt him, but the man freezes, his eyes going wide.

“W-What… But you, what? Alec? But you’re dead!”

Alexander blinks and regards the man. He’s young, his hair is short and brown from what he can make out through the dirt, his eyes are dark and he’s wearing a shirt with a drawing on it. Alexander thinks distantly that he should’ve had glasses. The thought startles him so much that he doesn’t notice that the light come on in the warehouse and voices start approaching them. The man gets up quickly and watches Alexander in fear. The voices come closer and Alexander senses a someone with demon blood with them. He grips the angel blade as the people get closer.

“Simon!”

The man jumps, and he looks torn between running away and staying put. He doesn’t move. Alexander feels something almost warm in the place of the faded mark before three people come running into the room. Alexander watches as a girl with red hair goes straight to the vampire while the two men freeze in the doorway, staring at him. Alexander can sense that the blond is one of Raziel’s soldiers, along with the red-haired girl. The other man, now that he’s closer, Alexander can see that he’s a warlock. He relaxes his grip on the blade and prepares to go when he hears his name being whispered.

“Alexander…B-but you can’t be...”

Alexander watches the warlock in confusion and something itches at the back of his mind. His wings ache to come out, to stretch, to take him away. The blond takes a step closer and Alexander looks at him and thinks family. Except, he doesn’t know why.

“Alexander, is-is it really you?”

And Alexander doesn’t understand. Something tries to push itself to the surface, a feeling. But it’s foreign and Alexander can’t put a name to it. So, Alexander takes a step away from the people.

“I don’t know who you are, but I think you have me confused.”

And he runs away. He flies out of the warehouse, even though he doesn’t know where he’s going. He just knows that he wants to get away from them and the weird things they made him feel.

He stays out of New York. He goes around wherever there’s trouble and tries to kill as many demons as he can. He spends most of his time just watching the world. It all seems so familiar to him yet at the same time it’s foreign. He doesn’t understand but he supposes it’s not his place to understand. If it was important, Naomi would’ve told him. Four days after running away from New York he’s just walking when he hears a struggle and senses demons. He doesn’t know where he is, but he pulls out his angel blade and follows the demonic energy. He finds two guys surrounded by a hoard of higher level demons, but they don’t even look scared, they look kind of bored, like it’s just another day. Alexander frowns but decides to focus on the demons first. He tucks the blade away and scrunches his nose in distaste. He can’t kill them with the blade because he’ll also kill the innocents they’re possessing. He breathes deeply and steps forward loudly, drawing the attention of the demons. Four of them start advancing on him while the rest keep going after the guys. The shorter one looks at Alexander in panic.

“Are you insane?! RUN!”

Alexander ignores him and with practiced ease, he touches the first two demons, carefully sending them back to where they came from. The bodies drop to the floor and the other two prepare to flee but Alexander is faster. He catches them right on time and when he’s done he looks up to see that the tall guy is gaping at him.

“Dean, he’s an angel.”

“Son of a bitch! This is exactly what we needed.”

Alexander watches them in awe for a second, before remembering that there are a few demons left. He gets two of them right on time, but the rest flee before he can handle them. Alexander checks the humans before turning to the two guys. He titles his head and then notices something strange. The shorter one, Dean maybe, has been touched by another angel. Alexander can see some angel grace on him. But it’s also visible on his whole soul. It’s something he’s never seen. But then they step into the light and Alexander recognizes them.

“You’re Sam and Dean Winchester.”

They are on Heaven’s most wanted list. Naomi called them a threat to all that is good. Most of the angels seem to hate them. But sitting here so close, Alexander doesn’t get why. Sure, they both seem to be touched by a little darkness, but they don’t seem that evil. Alexander looks at their defensive positions and he understands.

“I’m not here for you. I just heard the fight and I wanted to help.” He sees Sam clutching his shoulder and decides that there’s no harm in what he’s about to do. “You’re hurt, here, let me.”

The Winchesters flinch as Alexander appears in front of Sam and touches his forehead. He feels his grace healing the younger Winchester and he lets go, pleased about being able to help. The Winchesters are watching him in shock before Dean steps forward, regarding Alexander warily. He pulls out an angel blade from his jacket and points it at him. Alexander doesn’t move. He’s intrigued by the angelic blade.

“Who are you? What do you want from us?”

Alexander raises his eyebrows and sighs. He remembers reading their files. They were hunters of the supernatural, not only that but being on the Heaven’s most wanted list must mean that they have a target painted on their back. He understands the wariness and the lack of trust. He supposes he’s be the same in their situation. He raises his hands in surrender and steps away from them.

“My name is Alexander. I was sent here to hunt demons, I have no business with you.”

Dean doesn’t seem to believe him.

“What, you think that we’ll trust you just because you healed Sam?”

“I healed him because he was hurt, and I was able to do so. Why not heal him?”

Dean looks puzzled, but Alexander doesn’t relent. He lets Dean analyze him from head to toe until he seems to be pleased and he lowers the angel blade. Alexander waits for a second, realizing for the first time that Dean is wheezing a little. Alexander waits another second before reaching out and leaving his hand outstretched. Dean looks at him confused while Sam shifts in the back.

“May I?”

He gestures to Dean’s chest and Dean seems to understand what he’s asking. He waits a minute, none of them moving an inch before Dean nods slowly. He watches Alexander carefully as he steps forward a bit and grabs his forearm, healing his injuries. When he’s done, Alexander steps back and smiles a bit. Dean takes a deep breath before asking:

“Why?”

“I already told you. Why not?”

There are a thousand reasons but when Sam smiles a little and Dean relaxes a bit it seems a worth it. He had a chance to help someone and he took it. It makes him feel better about his existence somehow. Alexander feels the other angel and he dodges the angel blade right on time. He turns to see an angry angel, his blade gripped tight, ready to strike again.

“Leave. Now.”

“Cas wait- “

Alexander doesn’t stay around to hear the rest. He flies away and hopes Naomi wasn’t watching him. He makes his way back to New York. He can’t let his feelings get in the way of the mission. He avoids going to Brooklyn for some reason. Instead he tries to find some members of the Clave. He finds Inquisitor Herondale at the Brooklyn Institute. She’s sitting at a desk, ruffling through some papers. Alexander looks a little around him and can’t help but have a sense of deja-vu. He shakes it off and makes himself visible. The change is immediate. She sits up abruptly, starting to reach for a weapon before freezing halfway. She watches him in shock.

“Mister… But you- “

Alexander sighs and doesn’t dwell on it. He simply makes his wings visible and waits. She straightens herself suddenly and bows her head to him a little.

“I see. I apologize. You just look like someone.”

Alexander breathes deeply, trying to stay focused.

“Well, as you can see I am not. My name is Alexander, I was sent here to help with your demon problem. I need all your information on it.”

“Indeed, you are not. You shouldn’t have come all the way. We have the situation under control.”

Suddenly, Alexander feels angry. He’s seen all the bodies left behind by demons and all the destruction. The Inquisitor seemed to think it was all okay and somehow, he was not even surprised. He advanced quickly until he was glaring down at her.

“You have it under control? People have died, and the streets are crawling with demons! You call this under control?!” She flinches, and Alexander takes a deep breath to compose himself. “I told you to give me all you have on the situation. I will not ask again.”

His wings twitch and she nods. Alexander steps back and his whole body feels like it’s shaking in anger. She calls for someone and starts gathering her files. The light starts flickering from Alexander’s anger when the door opens and the anger bleeds out of him. In the door is the blond guy from the warehouse and he’s staring at Alexander, his expression pure heartbreak. His eyes snap to his wings and he looks bewildered. Alexander turns to look at the Inquisitor, just to avoid looking at the guy.

“This is the Head of the Institute, Jonathan Herondale. He will give you any information you need.”

Jonathan Herondale…Why did it sound so familiar, why? Alexander draws his wings closer and shakes his head lightly. Mission first, no questions, no distractions. He turns to Herondale and clears his throat.

“Pleasure to meet you, Mister Herondale. My name is Alexander, I was sent to help with the demon problem you seem to have but I will need additional information.”

He offers the guy his hand and watches as he seems to battle himself before finally shaking Alexander’s hand in a haze. The moment their hands touch Alexander’s weird mark starts tingling and he lets go of Herondale just as he gasps. They watch each other for a minute and Alexander doesn’t know what to think but Herondale is touching his shoulder in amazement and Alexander can swear he feels confusion and amazement but they’re not his own. After two more minutes Herondale seems to shake himself and the tension and foreign feelings are gone, buried deep down. He smiles a but at Alexander before pulling out some files and starting to explain that thy have no idea where the demons keep coming from. The atmosphere becomes relaxed after that, Herondale telling him what they’ve tried so far and Alexander giving his input here and there. After they’re done with the information Herondale turns to Alexander and smiles.

“You can call me Jace, Alec.”

Jace…

_“…Alexander Lightwood...parabatai called Jace...”_

As soon as the image come it goes away and Alexander stumbles away a bit. He feels unsteady, dizzy. Herondale reaches for him, as if to steady him but an alarm starts blearing. It shakes Alexander to the core and he struggles to compose himself before he shares a look with Herondale and they both run out of the office. Alexander makes sure to tuck his wings away and to pull his blade out before running out of the Institute after Herondale. There are demons all over the place and the children of Raziel are trying to fight them. Most of them are low level demons, but Alexander can see some stronger ones too. He fights with Herondale for a little while and it feels like fighting alongside him is his second nature. Then Alexander catches sight of the warlock. There’s a demon sneaking up on him and Alexander tenses.

“Herondale- “

Herondale follows his gaze and nods, as if knowing immediately what Alexander wanted, even if Alexander himself didn’t know.

“Go, I got this.”

Alexander flies to the warlock and kills the demon just in time. He doesn’t linger, instead moving to kill the remaining demons that are gathered around them. One of the stronger demons sees the opportunity to attack and jumps towards the warlock but Alexander extends his wings suddenly, knocking the warlock down and shielding him in the process. The demon sinks its claws in his left wing before Alexander throws the blade and kills it. He winces as the pulls his wings back and sees that his wing will take a bit to heal. He looks up to find the warlock watching him in disbelief and awe. He’s holding the blade out to Alexander and the angel hesitates just for a second before grabbing it.

“Alexander…”

“You have me at a disadvantage. You seem to know my name, but I don’t know yours.”

Alexander can see the heartbreak in the warlock’s eyes but before he can ask what’s wrong, he feels Herondale behind him.

“This is the warlock I was telling you about, Magnus Bane.”

The name hits Alexander like cold water and he takes a step back as the pressure in his head grows. Something like an image forms in his head but it’s gone before he can grasp it. He needs to go.

“Alec?”

A girl is coming from behind Magnus Bane and she looks just as heartbroken as the warlock. _Isabelle_ , his mind suddenly supplies. The pain in his head increases tenfold and the streetlights start exploding. He needs to leave. He can’t be here. Alexander thinks that he can hear Herondale - Jace? - calling his name but he can’t be sure over the sudden rush. He blinks and stumbles away from them. Bane reaches out suddenly, and grips is wrist.

“Alexander don’t go.”

The moment their skin touches Alexander feels an electric shock going through him. Magnus inhales sharply too, but he doesn’t let go. Emotions starts rushing through Alexander and he’s not sure which ones are his and which are someone else’s. He’s not supposed to feel like this. This isn’t normal. Lightning strikes close by and Alexander snatches his arm away from the warlock and flies despite his injured wing. He doesn’t care where he ends up. He just wants to get away. He lands after the pain in his wing becomes too much, and immediately finds himself on his knees. He can feel something calling to him, and a feeling that’s not his own. It’s sad, so so sad, just pure heartbreak. It consumes him, and the world is chaos. He thinks that he’s going to die. Then he feels a familiar presence, and someone is calling out to him.

“Alexander, are you okay?”

The voice is gruff, but Alexander doesn’t recognize it. He looks up only to find the angel in the trench coat that was with the Winchesters. It’s his grace that he sensed wrapped around Dean Winchester’s soul. This time he doesn’t look like he’s about to kill Alexander. He looks…concerned.

“What-what’s happening to me? What is this feeling?”

The angel titles his head in confusion before kneeling to be at eyelevel and putting his hand on Alexander’s shoulder. He inhales sharply before smiling in sympathy. A minute later the feeling subsides to a dull throb instead of the on slaughter it was earlier, and Alexander can finally breathe.

“What did you do?”

The angel seems to ignore him in favor of looking him over. When he’s done he gets up and offers Alexander a hand. Alexander considers denying but then he thinks that he’s got nothing to lose so he accepts the hands and hoists himself up.

“You’re a new angel.” It’s not a question but even if it were, Alexander wouldn’t know how to answer. “What you were feeling, it was longing.”

Alexander frowned. No one told him about longing or anything similar. The other angel seemed to sense his struggle because he smiled sadly.

“It’s complicated. I’m Castiel. I’m sorry about the way I acted last time. Dean told me what you did and usually the angels aren’t so…nice.”

Alexander blinks and remembers the way Naomi used to sneer at Castiel’s name. She called him a traitor and a monster. A cold-blooded killer, she said. But he was just as the Winchesters. A bit weird, touched by a little darkness but overall not so bad. Alexander was confused.  His head started throbbing again, as if something was fighting to come to the surface. Alexander grimaced and gripped his head, willing it to go away.

“Alexander, what’s wrong?” Castiel’ s concerned voice wasn’t helping his head.

“My head…”

Alexander saw Castiel extend his fingers and then he felt him touch his forehead. A moment later the pain vanished, and Alexander was left gasping. He didn’t understand anything. He looked at Castiel only to see him look concerned and…furious?

“I need you to come with me, Alexander.”

Alexander contemplated for a minute, but he shrugged. Naomi was bound to find out about this, but somehow, he felt like he could trust Castiel more. He nodded and Castiel flew them both. He found himself in a strange place but after looking around he could recognize it from Sam and Dean’s files. It was a bunker that used to belong to the Men of Letters. But it was supposed to be guarded against angels. Alexander heard chairs scraping and he looked down to see the hunters staring at them. Castiel started descending the metal staircase, heading towards them and Alexander couldn’t help but notice how Dean started following Castiel with his gave while Sam was smiling politely at him. He followed after Castiel and when they both reached the hunters Dean came straight to Castiel and started drilling him with questions. Alexander blinked at the exchange.

“Where have you been, man? You could have called. You know I- uhh me and Sam get worried. You can’t just rush off like that.”

“Dean, it was an emergency.”

They went like that back and forth for another few minutes while Alexander was watching, feeling a bit like he was third-wheeling. Sam was pinching the bridge of his nose, seeming really done with his life. Dean and Castiel were staring at each other and for a moment Alexander wondered if there was something more there. Sam looked at them exasperated and turned to smile politely at Alexander. He cleared his throat loudly and they both jumped a bit, as if they just remembered there were other people in the room.

“Guys, now is not the time. Dean you can do this later, we have a guest.”

Dean blinked and looked at him as if he just noticed the new person there. Alexander wouldn’t even be surprised if that were the case. It was Sam that addressed Alexander first.

“Hey, it’s good to see you again. Uhh thank you for helping last time.”

Alexander smiled at Sam while Dean regarded him for a second before turning his gaze back to Castiel.

“Not that I’m not happy to see you dude, but Cas, why is he here?”

Sam looked like he wanted to facepalm and he elbowed Dean in the stomach. Castiel didn’t seem to notice. He just kept staring stoically at Dean.

“He needs help, Dean. And we owe him.”

Alexander opened his mouth to tell them that they owed him nothing, but Sam beat him to it.

“He’s right Dean, he did help us.”

Dean seemed to have a silent conversation with both Sam and Castiel and Alexander felt like he should be somewhere else. After another second Dean sighed and raised his hands in surrender.

“Alright, whatever. He can stay. But stop bringing home strays, Cas.”

With that Dean turned and walked away and Castiel stared after him for a minute. Sam excused himself and ran after Dean while Castiel turned to him.

“Sorry about Dean, he’s a bit stubborn.” Alexander shrugged and Castiel took it as a sign to continue. “I want to talk to you about something important. Back there when you were complaining about your head I looked for the problem. There is a wall built in your mind, it’s meant to keep memories locked away.”

The information feels like cold water to his system. He remembers how familiar Herondale and Bane seemed, and that girl and the way the kept calling him by his name. But how could it be? Castiel must be wrong.

“Why would anyone lock my memories away? I’m just a soldier. I’ve never left Heaven before. What could there be that was important enough to lock away? Naomi would’ve said something.”

Castiel tenses and Alexander knows that he said the wrong thing.

“Naomi? What did she tell you? Alexander this is important.”

He seems so desperate that Alexander actually tells him. He tells Castiel about Heaven and his training. He tells him about how familiar the soldiers of Raziel looked and how he felt when he touched the warlock and Herondale. He listens attentively and by the end of it he seems deep in thought.

“There’s something more.” Castiel looks at him again and Alexander can’t believe that he’s going to show this stranger his guarded secret, but it feels okay somehow. “I have a weird mark close to my waist. It’s faded but you can still see it. I don’t know what it is.”

He grabs his black shirt and pauses, breathes deeply and lifts it to show Castiel. He watches the mark for a minute before his eyes widen and realization dawns on him.

“That’s a…Oh, what has she done?” Castiel is suddenly in front of him, gripping his shoulders tightly. “Listen to me, Alexander. We need to take down the wall. You need to remember.”

Alexander weights his options. He could be imagining the whole thing but if he was he had nothing to lose and if he did know those people, he needed to remember. He nodded and Castiel pursed his lips.

“It will hurt.”

“I don’t care. How do we do it?”

Castiel lets go of him and steps back. “You need to tear the wall down. Reach inside you with your grace, once you find the thing that doesn’t fit your grace will do the rest. But be careful, it will be like tearing down a damn, everything that was kept will come out all at once.”

Alexander breathes deeply and closes his eyes. He concentrates and after a bit, he can feel it. An invisible barrier that’s not supposed to be there. He doesn’t hesitate, he shatters it and his world goes dark around the edges. He thinks someone screams and he realizes distantly that it’s him. He remembers everything. His childhood, Izzy, Max. Meeting Jace and becoming parabatai. Clary coming to the Institute. Magnus. Oh God, Magnus. He remembers the first time he met Magnus, their dates, his beautiful unglamoured eyes. He also remembers their last conversation, the hunt gone wrong and then waking up in Heaven.

When he comes back to himself he’s lying on the floor, Castiel, Sam and Dean sitting over him and looking concerned. The world feels like it tilted out of its axis. He doesn’t know what to make of himself. Who is he now? He’s not Alexander Lightwood. That person died. But what about now, who was he now? He almost sobs at having to put the same question again. He remembers darker days when he kept putting the same question over and over and here he was again.

“Alexander? Hey, are you alright?”

He sighs deeply and carefully adjusts to the new perspective. Maybe he didn’t know who he was but at least he knew something for sure.

“Please stop calling me that. It’s Alec.”

They help him up and he ends up telling them about Naomi and how she tortured him, trained him. Castiel seems outraged while Dean paces angrily behind him. Sam just looks sad. After he’s done they decide to take a break since Dean needed time to cool off. Castiel takes Alec aside even though it looks like he wanted to go after Dean. He starts explaining some other things to Alec, like how his grace must have latched onto Magnus when they touched and how he still had a connection with Jace for some reason. By the end of it, Alec understands things a little better. It’s a start.

Alec ends up asking the Winchesters for help. He wants to help the Shadowhunters, but he can’t face the others yet. The brothers agree happily, and Castiel disappears saying something about going to gather information. Alec and the Winchesters start looking through books about demons, trying to find something. Alec feels Magnus’s longing every day, but he tries to bury it. He can’t get distracted. After two days Castiel comes back with a demon. A strong one. Alec is on instant alert. The Winchesters groan in tandem when they see him.

“Seriously, Cas? It had to be Crowley?”

The demon – Crowley – starts analyzing Alec head to toe and it makes his skin crawl. His wings unfurl, and he hears the Winchesters gasp. Crowley just looks intrigued.

“Cas? Aren’t angel wings supposed to be impossible to see or something?”

“Naomi created him, I don’t know why you can see his wings, but I can bet that it’s because of his origins.” Castiel turns to him. “Alec, Crowley can help you. He’s the King of Hell.”

“Oh, I’d help you any day, angel.”

Alec refrains from spitting at him. Dean raises an eyebrow at him before getting in between Alec and the demon.

“Alright, alright, enough! Crowley, do you know anything or not?”

The demon starts tsk-ing and advancing towards them. “Easy, squirrel. Of course I know, I’m the King of Hell. The question is, what do I get in return?”

Before anyone can react, Alec is choking the demon, lifting him from the ground. He tries to escape but Alec just squeezes harder. He feels the demon’s skin start sizzling where Alec’s hand is gripping him. Alec glares at him and the lights start flickering.

“How about you get to live? Do not test me. You will tell me what I want to know and in exchange, you walk out of here alive. Do we have a deal?”

A light explodes behind him and Crowley starts nodding wildly. Alec squeezes for another second before glaring and dropping him on the floor. He steps back and looks to see Sam and Dean giving him impressed looks. The demon gets up and calmly arranges his suit. Alec waits patiently while the demon keeps dusting himself. Sam and Dean start giving Crowley irritated looks and finally the demon stops and sighs.

“Alright so there’s a new guy around. His name is Asmodeus. He is- “

“The ruler of Edom.” Crowley smiles impressed at him, but Alec’s mind is already running a million miles a minute. “How did he get here? What does he want?”

Sam moves past them and goes back to the table while Dean, Cas and Alec stay with Crowley.

“He must’ve had help getting here, I don’t know. As far as what he wants, word on the streets is that he’s here for his son, a warlock, Magnus Bane I think is his name.”

Alec feels his heart stop. Magnus, he can’ be… except it explained a lot. How he never wanted to talk about his dad, it explained his powers. It’s a punch to the gut. Sure, Magnus didn’t have to tell him everything, but it still felt like salt on the wound. _He never loved you anyway, why would he tell you anything?_

Alec realizes that everyone is looking at him. It reminds him of the time the memory demon showed everyone that Alec was in love with Jace. The first time he met Magnus. And like just like then, he needs to go, run from their piercing gazes.

“I need some air, excuse me.”

He turns and almost runs up the stairs and out of the bunker. He doesn’t look at their faces as he leaves. He feels like he’s got unrequited love tattooed on his forehead. The night is cool, and Alec thinks that he was human he would’ve been cold by now. But he’s not, not anymore. He touches his parabatai rune and aches for the bond he used to have with Jace. He aches for that connection that always made him feel better. Now, the bond is weaker, and Alec can’t feel Jace unless he concentrates hard. And even then, it’s like searching through dark water. He feels alone.

“Mind if I join you?”

Alec startles a little, but he turns and watches Castiel as he sits uncertainly in the door. Alec nods before turning to watch the stars. Castiel comes to sit beside him but he doesn’t say a word. It feels nice, like maybe he’s not that alone after all. But then he’s hit with another wave of longing from Magnus and he remembers why he came out in the first place.

“He never told me. About his father.”

Castiel doesn’t ask what he’s talking about. Alec told him about his relationship with Magnus. Castiel sighs but lets him continue at his pace. Alec is grateful.

“Actually, now that I think about it, I know very little about him.”

The words leave a bitter taste in his mouth as he thinks about the truth they hold. He suppresses the urge to laugh bitterly.

“I may not know the guy, but if he loves you, maybe he had his reasons. Dean doesn’t share details about his past either, but he thinks that people will think differently about him. Maybe he was scared too.”

This time Alec does laugh. “That’s just the thing. He doesn’t love me.”

“And yet you’re willing to do anything to save him, right?”

“Yes. I love him, even if he doesn’t feel the same. I’d do anything, just so he’ll be happy. Even if it’s not with me.”

They look at each other for a moment and Alec sees a deep understanding in Castiel’s eyes.

“Well it seems like we’re more similar than you think. How about we go back and make a plan to help him and we’ll figure out the rest later.”

Alec breathes deeply and nods. One step at a time. He can do that. He follows Castiel back inside where Sam and Dean are arguing about something. They stop as soon as the angels are back, and Sam turns to address them.

“I’ve got good news and bad news.” Alec raises his eyebrow in a silent question while Castiel just keeps staring, waiting for Sam to continue. “The good news is that I’ve found a spell. Bad news is, the ingredients are almost impossible to find.”

Crowley comes forward and takes the list from Sam, looking over it. After a minute he looks up smugly.

“I can get these back here in two minutes.”

Everybody stares at him in confusion, Dean looks at him suspicious.

“Hold up. What do you want in return?”

Alec bristles as Crowley turns and smiles at him. Castiel shifts a little besides him, fist clenching. And then Crowley looks back at Dean in fake innocence.

“You wound me, squirrel.” Dean glares and Crowley makes a placating gesture. “I don’t want anything. This guy is affecting my reputation. I want him gone as much as you do. And besides,” He turns and winks at Alec. “the angel is pretty cute.”

With that he disappears and leaves behind a stunned Dean and a revolted Alec. Dean turns his shocked gaze to Sam and gestures to the spot Crowley was in.

“Did he just… make a pass at Alec?”

Sam shrugs, looking a bit shocked himself. Alec feels something weird, like his hair standing up but he ignores it. The Winchesters and the angels start preparing what they need for the spell and true to his word Crowley is back two minutes later with the ingredients. Sam raises an eyebrow and pinches the bridge of his nose for a second.

“Do I even want to know why you had a divine object and centaur blood just lying around?”

Crowley smirks but he doesn’t say anything more. He settles on a chair instead. Alec looks at him and clenches his fists to stop himself from doing something rash. Crowley just creeps him out.

“So, when I’m done with this, you need to get to Asmodeus. Draw a circle with it and uhh… someone needs do push him through it and close the gate. From the other side.”

Oh. Alec hangs his head for a moment before straightening his head. If it means Magnus will be alright, he’ll do it. After all, he meant every word he told Castiel.

“I’ll do it.” Alec is just grateful that his voice doesn’t shake.

They look like they want to protest but they don’t. They’d all do the same thing in his place.

“I’ll come with you and help.”

All eyes swivel to Castiel, but he’s watching Alec intently. He understands all to well what Alec’s doing. Dean suddenly looks angry.

“No!”

Castiel sighs before turning to Dean, as if he expected it. Sam looks annoyed in the background.

“Every single time…” Alec hears Sam grumble before Dean advances angrily towards Castiel.

“Dean- “

“We need to talk. Excuse us.”

Dean storms away angrily and Castiel follows after him. Alec looks at Sam, but he only shakes his head, so Alec doesn’t ask. _Interesting_ , he thinks. Sam starts preparing the spell when Dean and Castiel come back. Dean still looks angry, but it looks like they reached a compromise. Alec is about to ask Castiel if they’re okay when he is hit with a wave of panic and he feels like Magnus is in danger. It almost knocks him off his feet. He braces himself on the table and everybody turns to look at him in concern.

“Alec?” Sam’s voice seems like it’s coming through a tunnel. “What’s wrong?”

Alec has to blink several times before he can answer. “Magnus. He’s in danger.”

An image flashes through his mind and he sees Asmodeus in Magnus’s apartment. Alec pushes himself away from the table as the feeling subsides.

“Asmodeus is with Magnus. I have to go.”

“Wait, the spell isn’t done yet!”

Alec looks at them and stretches his wings. He pulls out his angel blade and grips it tight in determination.

“I’ll go stall him. Finish the thing and get it to me as soon as possible.”

Magnus’s apartment is a mess. The second he lands, Alec sees Magnus sprawled on the floor and Asmodeus flinging a dagger at him. Alec doesn’t think. He gets in front of Magnus and shields them both with his wings. The dagger doesn’t even graze his wing. Alec unfurls his wings and hears Asmodeus laugh. The energy he oozes is incredibly strong. But Alec isn’t scared. He grips the blade tighter and waits for Asmodeus to make a move.

“Well, well. well. Look what we have here, son. Your _boyfriend_ came to your rescue. Oh, you little angel, I’ll have fun destroying you.”

Alec nods his head and smirks. He doesn’t need to win, he just needs to keep him distracted long enough. That, he can do.

“You can try.”

And with that Alec throws the angel blade, grazing Asmodeus’s cheek. The laughter dies on the demon’s lips as he feels the wound start bleeding and dripping black energy. Alec grins madly and disappears, retrieving the blade. Asmodeus doesn’t look amused anymore.

“You’re playing with fire, _angel_.” He spits the word before he tries to force Alec to his knees with his power. Alec stretches his wings and manages to stay upright before hitting Asmodeus in the chest with his wing. He flies across the room, and the wall cracks where he lands. Alec turns to see Magnus watching him in shock but then he feels the blow too late. He’s sent flying through the window before he can prevent it. His cuts heal immediately but then he curses. His blade lies at Asmodeus’s feet. He picks it up and grins darkly at him. Alec gets up and waits for the next move. Asmodeus starts walking to the left while Alec goes to the right.

“Interesting thing you got here. Color me surprised.”

Alec sees Asmodeus raising the blade, ready to throw it and he prepares to dodge when he suddenly changes his course and faces Magnus instead. He throws the knife and Alec only has time to fly in front of Magnus. He feels the blade embed itself in his side and he goes to his knees. His grace starts showing through the cut when Alec takes the knife out. He’s seen angels die as soon as the blade struck them, but here he is, injured but still alive. Magnus is screaming behind him and Alec curses. He sees his bow and a few arrows close to him and takes them while Asmodeus is busy laughing. The bow feels strange in his hand, but he still remembers what he’s doing. He notches the arrow and it feels like he’s breathing again. He releases the arrow and it hits Asmodeus in the shoulder. He stumbles back and glares at Alec and prepares to advance when Castiel and Crowley appear. Asmodeus stops and looks at Crowley. The king of Hell regards Asmodeus with boredom. Castiel suddenly breaks the vile on the floor and the floor caves in. Alec grabs Magnus and takes him farther from the portal. He’s still staring at Alec in awe and confusion.

“Alexander…”

Alec takes a minute to take in Magnus. He’s still as beautiful as ever, even if he looks a little roughed up. Alec cups his cheek and his heart aches a little as Magnus leans into it. It reminds him of better days, of their relationship. He hears the fight behind him and he knows he doesn’t have much time. He never had enough time.

“I love you, Magnus Bane. I’m sorry.”

Magnus opens his mouth to speak but Alec kisses him. And for a moment, he forgets about the fight behind them and everything else. It’s just him and Magnus. The kiss is desperate and perfect. When they break apart Alec takes one more look at him before letting go completely and turning to face his faith. Castiel and Crowley are fighting Asmodeus and Alec sees that he’s close enough to the portal. He takes another look at Magnus in silent goodbye before getting another arrow and releasing in with all he has. The impact makes Asmodeus stumble on his feet and Alec takes his que. He flings himself at Asmodeus and kicks him through. Alec looks down in the portal. It’s dark and quiet. He looks back just in time to see Magnus realize what he’s about to do. Heartbreak crosses Magnus’s features.

“ALEXANDER, DON’T!”

It’s the last thing he hears. With a final look of thank you at Castiel he steps through and falls. It’s long way down and it hurts. He tries to scream but the sound never comes out. When he reaches the end, he falls to the ground heavily. He doesn’t wait, he can see Asmodeus close to him. He uses his grace and slams the portal close. Then he turns and faces Asmodeus. He’s beyond furious.

“You have no idea what you’ve just done. I’ll torture you for eternity.”

Alec is about to accept his faith when Naomi appears next to him.

“You will do no such thing.” She looks…disappointed. “You had one job, to get rid of your son. And you failed.”

Alec feels betrayed.

“Open the rift again, I can get Magnus back here.”

Naomi gives Asmodeus a bored look before she steps closer to Alec. “You’ve done enough.”

She puts her hand on Alec’s shoulder and he knows immediately where they are. Heaven. He wretches himself from her and glares. He feels stupid for ever trusting her. He calls out to Castiel quietly and isn’t surprised to hear him land next to him a second later. Naomi seems surprised.

“Alexander, what are you doing with this traitor?”

Alec feels anger welling up inside him. He advances on her quickly and grabs her throat. She watches him shocked, pawing at his hands uselessly.

“Traitor? Who the fuck are you calling a traitor? You made a deal with a demon!”

He squeezes harder and takes pleasure in the fear in her eyes.

“Alec, stop!” Castiel rests his hand on Alec’s shoulder. “She’s not worth it.”

Alec lets her go and steps back. Naomi just straightens herself and frowns at them. Castiel turns his gaze to her.

“Is it true? Did you make a deal with Asmodeus?”

Naomi watches them for a minute before huffing. “I merely provided him with the means to get out. I needed him to get rid of Bane. That way there was no reason for Alexander to remember. It seems it’s too late anyway. Is this really the path you want to take, Alexander? I will hunt you down for allying yourself with this traitor. You will be on Heaven’s wanted list.”

Alec is about to tell her to go after Asmodeus to hell when Castiel suddenly speaks.

“You call me a traitor, but look what you’ve done. You have no authority to make angels out of Raziel’s children. And you certainly have no authority to be making deals with demons. You have no right to sit there and call anyone a traitor.” The door opens, and two angels come in and grab Naomi. “I’m sorry that it’s come to this, but you have to be stopped.”

The angels drag Naomi away, kicking and screaming and Alec is left with Castiel. He turns and gives him a baffled look. Castiel smiles.

“When you told me what happened to you, I reached out to some of my friends. Naomi has been crossing the line for a while now. I just made sure everybody knew it. With the confession from today, she will definitely pay.”

Alec feels overwhelmed. He remembers all the torture and all the bad things she’s done to him and he can finally breathe easy. He spent his time almost waiting for her to snatch him back and punish him, and now she can’t.

“Is your wound healed?”

The question startles Alec. He almost forgot about it. This day felt like an emotional whiplash. He checks it and finds that it is, indeed, gone. Castiel titles his head and squints at it before humming.

“Interesting. I’ve never heard of an angel surviving a stab from an angel blade. You really are something, Alexander.”

Alec doesn’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad one. “How’s Magnus, is he okay?”

Castiel smiles fondly before nodding. “Yes, he was unharmed. But I think you should go talk to him.” Alec looks away. “You know, you told me that he doesn’t love you, but you should’ve seen him after you were gone. He was devastated. Perhaps you two should actually talk and stop assuming things.”

Alec laughs because Castiel is right. But he’s afraid. Afraid that Magnus will tell him that he doesn’t love him, afraid that he’ll send Alec away.

“I also remember you saying that we’re similar. You should follow your own advice.”

“It’s not the same.”

Alec scoffs. “Bullshit. I’ve seen the way Dean looks at you. Everybody noticed actually.”

Castiel sighs and for a moment, he looks much, much older. “Dean has…issues. I’m afraid that he’ll run away if I try to talk to him about this.”

And Alec understands that. Dean reminded him of himself back when he was scared to admit that he was gay.

“We need to get over our fear. Do you believe that he loves you?”

Castiel smiles. “Yes, I think he does.”

“Well, then you have to talk to him. Cause I’m sure he does love you.”

“I’ll make you a deal.” Castiel offers his hand to Alec. “I’ll promise to talk to Dean if you promise to talk to Magnus.”

Alec smiles and shakes Castiel’s hand happily.

“And if you ever need anything else, you know where to find us.”

“Right back at you. You guys need any help, you give me a call.”

They hug each other and then Alec breathes deeply and flies to the Institute. He lands in his old office and finds Jace at the desk. He looks up startles as the papers fly, blown away by the wind. Jace stares at him a second and stands up. He looks uncertain. Alec smiles.

“Parabatai.”

Jace makes a sound half laugh half sob and comes to hug him. The bond flares to life and they both breathe relieved. After a long while, they break apart and Alec doesn’t comment on the tears streaming down Jace’s face.

“Alec, is-is it really you?”

“Yeah, it’s me. It’s hard to explain, but I swear it’s me.”

Jace laughs and wipes his face. “It’s so good to have you back man. Everybody was a mess without you. Especially Magnus.”

“Yeah, about that. I came here to tell you that Asmodeus was the one bringing demons over. I took care of it.” Jace opens his mouth, probably to put a hundred questions but Alec cuts him off quickly. “I’ll explain everything later, alright? For now, I need to go.”

Jace nods and Alec is sure he understood, even without him saying it. It’s his parabatai after all.

“Yeah, uhh go and talk to Magnus man. Izzy and Clary are out on a mission, but I’ll text you when they get back. Izzy will want to see you with her own eyes.”

Alec nods and they hug one more time before he takes off. The apartment is still a mess. Everything is left just like it was after the fight. For a moment, Alec just takes in the place. It’s not changed in any way. He looks at the mess that is the living room and remembers their last conversation here. He gulps and pushed back the sadness. He turns and starts looking for Magnus. For a moment Alec thinks that he’s not home but then he hears muttering in the bedroom. He goes there and soon enough, Magnus is there pacing and muttering to himself. He looks like a mad scientist, his make up is smudged all over his face from crying and he looks tired. Alec closes his eyes and hides his wings before stepping forward. Magnus stops abruptly and stares. No one says anything for a while. Magnus sits there and blinks at him. And then Alec hears him whisper.

“Alexander…Are you really here?”

Alec bites his lip and forces himself not to cry at the way Magnus’s voice breaks. “Yeah, Mags, it’s me. I came to make sure you’re okay.”

For a moment nothing happens and then Alec’s got his arms full of a sobbing Magnus. It breaks his heart. He wraps his arms around him and holds him. He guides them both to the bed and makes Magnus sit down when he feels the way his feet are shaking.

“I’m so sorry, Alexander. I’m sorry, I’m sorry”

Magnus keeps muttering apologies and Alec tries to make him calm down. “No, you’ve got nothing to be sorry for, love. Breathe. It’s okay.”

Magnus doesn’t seem to hear him. He’s almost hysterical to the point that Alec considers putting him to sleep. But he promised Castiel and that means that he’s not going to run away from this conversation, no matter the outcome.

“Magnus, please calm down. It’s alright. I got you.”

After a few more minutes of Alec whispering comforting things, Magnus finally calms down.

“I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you about my father, Alexander.”

Alec sighs and refrains from saying that it’s okay. “Why didn’t you?”

Magnus looks away and Alec forces himself to stay put and not hug him. They need to talk about it.

“I thought you were going to leave.”

It’s barely above a whisper but Alec hears it clearly and it breaks his heart. “Magnus, no. We don’t choose our family. I wouldn’t have judged you just because of that.”

Magnus looks at him, sadness evident in his beautiful golden eyes. “I was scared, darling. You’re so perfect and I was afraid that you’d see me as the monster that I really am. And then that night, I was petrified. And I got you killed.”

Tears start streaming down his face and Alec reaches out and cups his face. “Mags, you didn’t kill me. It wasn’t your fault. I was distracted and a demon got me. You didn’t do anything.”

Magnus pushes away from him and stands up abruptly. “If I had told you that I loved you none of that would’ve happened!”

Alec sighs and braces for the conversation. “Magnus. You shouldn’t say something you don’t mean. It’s alright. It wasn’t your fault. It’s not on you that you don’t feel the same.”

Alec prepares to get up when Magnus flings himself at him and hugs him tight. Alec is startled but he hugs Magnus back anyway.

“Don’t you ever say that again. Of course I love you, Alexander. I love you more than you will ever know. When you died, I felt like the world ended. I never told you first because every time I did in the past people either laughed or they realized they didn’t really want me. And while I knew you weren’t the same some part of me was still terrified that you’d leave too. I wanted to tell you, but then Izzy texted me and I came to the Institute to find you...”

Alec shushes them and curses himself for not thinking about Magnus’s past relationships. If he ever got his hands on the people that hurt Magnus, he’d make them pay.

“Alexander, do you still..”

“Of course I love you, silly warlock. Nothing could ever make me stop. And I can say that for a fact, now. If Heaven couldn’t, then no one can.”

Magnus pulls away enough to be able to look in Alec’s eyes. “You can’t leave me again, Alexander. I don’t think I could live without you.”

“Well you’re in luck, cause I wasn’t planning to.”

Alec can see that Magnus still has questions but as soon as he yawns he decides that it can wait until tomorrow.

“I think you need some rest, Mags. We have all the time in the world to talk about it tomorrow.”

He smiles and cleans his make up with just a touch. Magnus touches his face in wonder.

“We’re definitely talking about this. Will you…stay with me?”

Magnus looks so vulnerable and Alec just nods. He doesn’t tell him that he doesn’t really need sleep. He’ll tell him tomorrow. For now, he’ll just sit there and hold Magnus. Later, after Magnus is sleeping Alec feels Castiel reaching out and he smiles.

_“You were right. Thank you, Alexander.”_

_No,_ thinks Alec, _thank you, Castiel. For everything._

Alec thinks that he will have to introduce Castiel and Magnus one of these days. But for now, he just enjoys having Magnus in his arms, knowing that he won’t have to leave him ever again.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> So I've been toying with this idea for a while. Hope you guys like it. Here's my tumblr. http://bettypeace.tumblr.com/


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